Along with the anxious feelings I've been having which I wrote about in my last post, last year I was also feeling very stressed out and tired with a few things going on.
At the end of October I started a new job which involves a lot of travelling every day. I get up at 5.25am and I'm not usually home until after 6pm. It was my choice to do this and I'm not complaining about that alone. Last year my mum had both her knees replaced. She is young for this but she has had loads of issues so they did it and they replaced them both at the same time. While she was recovering in the hospital my dad fell outside after visiting her one night and broke his leg/ankle very badly and he also had to get an operation. So this meant that once they got out of hospital, my mum & dad were housebound and needed a lot of help. I used to go up every weekend to do their housework and take them shopping. This tired me out on top of all my travelling through the week but I didn't mind doing it because I knew they needed my help. What really got to me though, was when they started phoning and texting during the day to ask me to bring them things after work. Honestly the last thing I want to do after a long day travelling and at work was go out of my way to the shops and then to their house. The thing was, they knew I had been doing this all day and plus, there are countless other family members who either don't work, or drive, or both, who could easily do this for them, but still they asked me when they knew I was the busiest one of them all. Also, they things they were asking me to bring; I knew they already had in the house!!! My husband & I went to London for new year and on our way home they asked me to bring them stuff AGAIN. This frustrated me so much I cried but I had to go to their house for another reason so we did it. The next time they asked (which was the next week when I was back to the travelling and work) was the first time I said no, and also suggested they ask one of the other family members who could do it, and I listed these people. Thankfully now this has stopped happening so much but it was really getting to me. I just couldn't understand why they kept asking me when I was so busy and they had all these other people they could ask.....?
This led me to ask at work for one day off every fortnight. Strictly speaking it wasn't a "day off|", we work on flexi time so I worked extra hours each day so I could take this day off. This was great but I've only managed to actually take it a couple of times since the beginning of the year as work has been so busy.
After saying all that, I have been feeling a bit better recently. I know this sounds a bit cliché but the best way I can describe it is that at times I've just felt lighter, happier, with less weight on me, I saw my therapist again this week and he suggested that I don't need to see him every 2 weeks. I agreed and had also been thinking this, so I have another appointment in 4 weeks time and we will take it from there.
I don't think I'll ever not be an anxious person but hopefully I won't ever again feel as bad as I did last year. It feels like life keeps throwing things at me (as it does everyone) but I've learned I need to take time out for myself and to protect myself, and remember how lucky I am for the good things in my life. I also think this will be a continuous learning process.
Speaking of the good things, if anyone is reading this I hope you have a good Valentine's Day, whether you are single or loved up! I am off out later for Valentine's tapas with my husband xx
